It's been a crazy time of bouncing back and forth from ecstatic with anticipation to overcome with nostalgic longing to stay. So much I wanted to do while living in Houston that I never got around to doing. I drive through the museum district and think, I only made it to the Natural Science Museum three time and still have never seen the butterflies. I pull into Galveston and think of how I spent entirely too little time at the beach! I never even met up with my friends who were going to teach me to surf. I never went to a musical, I never went to the Zoo, or floated in the paddle boats at Hermann Park. I didn't spend nearly enough time with my cousins Keri or Liz. I didn't make the drive to Matagorda to see Granny but three times in an entire year. Bryan will try to knock out as much on this list as possible if I ever receive another day off in Houston, TX before the move!
On the same note I'm so ready to be out of this house, to be away from the chaos, and to be on my own. I need away from the drama, and instead surrounded by uplifting and encouraging friends when I'm home. I can't wait to hit the tarmac traveling to a new destination every week. Grandmother and I went to one of our favorite tea shops and over egg salad and steaming Earl Grey english style she expressed to me her wishes. In most cases I would reluctantly listen, and then seethe in silence as yet another person in my life has an opinion on how I should be living it, but I was different this time. Perhaps it's my new longing for direction; I have never felt so alone and lost before. Perhaps it's maturity has taken me to a level of patience to receive criticism. Maybe I'm now humble enough to accept it, considering I finally have nothing left to prove to anyone. Regardless of the reasoning I felt relief as she put into words exactly what I didn't know I felt. "I want you to move to Dallas and be single for once. I want you to discover yourself and discover love for yourself. I want you to be away from any sort of family and be single and free. Travel, take in every moment, live it up! Give it two years before you settle down again, it will be good for you." It was nice to not only hear that she was not upset for my move but in fact had dreams and hopes for me I had tucked away. How does that woman know me so well? Scary.
So the exciting perspective is that my world is now fresh and ready for me color and draw as abstractive, impressionistic, or precise as I choose. I have never felt so free and open to opportunity. Join the peace corps? Sure! Fly the skies as a flight attendant. Write a book. Pull onto the freeway and just drive until I feel like stopping. I'm so excited. And to have friends, and know I want be as alone as I felt here is even more of a relief! For the first time the fact that I love or hate my life is completely on me. Let's make this a life worth remembering!
For now I am enjoying my two weeks of solitude.
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