Eulogy: Wallace J McKenzie

I didn't get to share it at the funeral so I wanted it shared somewhere:

It doesn’t matter if he was Granddaddy, Daddy Jack, Dad, the Colonel, or just plain Jack, he was a symbol of admiration to us all.  From stories I know he was an excellent leader in his youth, and this showed throughout our lives.  He taught me not through the common lectures and disciplinary actions of all parents and grandparents, he didn’t have to speak a word because he was a walking example of morality, strength, love, happiness, and so much more.  I know he has touched everyone’s life through his actions day by day, but for this short moment I would like to share how he lives on through these lessons.

First off he taught me to be an incredible card shark by the age of eight, through endless play during Wheel of Fortune and the news  each night. 

But on a more sentimental note…

 He taught me first that life is boundless.  As a pilot he saw no limits, and as a child he showed me the world.  He opened my eyes and my mind with the experience of continued wonderment.  Whether it was high tea in   London, or hula lessons on the shores of Waikiki.  Through his entrepreneurial feats he gave me aspiration, and the faith that I too could create any professional world I please, whether that be the District Manager with the most stores and the highest year over year earnings, or a simple shop owner when the time comes because I know that dreams can be reality.

He taught me morals, ethics, and manners.  He was always cordial, he treated each person he spoke to as if they were the center of the universe, he kept any superficial complaints silent, and he showed appreciation for efforts. He was a symbol of a perfect level of humility, and was never afraid to ask which silver utensil to use next at a six-course dinner.  He held no grudges, and was a walking example of acceptance. 

         He taught me that happiness was a priority.  His first and only question he asked each time we had a moment alone in these final years was “Are you Happy?”  Honestly I answered yes each time, and he smiled in satisfaction.  I make it a priority to only do what makes me happy, and the find happiness in what I’m doing, life is too short to do otherwise.  I thank him for reminding me to consider my own happiness all those times. 

Last and most importantly he taught us all what family was.  For those of you who are not familiar with the tree of which I have blossomed Granddaddy was not my biological grandfather, but the word step was not in his vocabulary.  His stepchildren and grandchildren were as much family to him as his own sons, who were the apple of his eyes.  With each bristly kiss, and compassionate supportive smile he taught us family is not only what you were born into but where Love resides.  Being a stepmother myself I know there does not have to be a divide, and through his example I love our son Ben as much as my precious daughter Aislyn.  My friends who exhibit love I accept into my family unit, and for my immediate family, those from my tree I know to love, cherish and fore everyone I hope to continue to live by example so for generations to come his footprint never washes away. 

Big Spring: Death and all

"My grandfather is dying tomorrow, he's holding on to meet Aislyn" I had told her.

I stood outside my psychiatrist's office, staring out over the giant Lockheed Martin and the serene revine that seemed to glisten off the sun lights behind it.  Joshuah came around the car, the sun's beams causing our little Suzuki to cast a gleeful glow.  It was relief I felt, comfort to have him after a terrible visit.  I handed him the prescription as I climbed in the car, "I'm done with this!  She acts like I never told her I was breastfeeding, and now she is concerned for the mental health of the baby?!  Done done done!"  Post partum had not been kind to me, as it kept me up at night with cold sweats from mental images of my own death bed every night.  I could not understand why this obsession was only growing more and more as the days went on.  Josh was always one to be over the top supportive, I'm certain he followed my statement with slanders on the doctor and her unprofessional matter of handling her business.  Her inability to take checks.  Her insistence on my being extremely heavily medicated.  The kids in tow we pulled off towards San Antonio so to make our way towards Big Spring, TX.

San Antonio would be a nice break for Ben especially as we invested in a pop gun and cowboy hat, and he ventured amongst the rivers and waterfalls excitedly discussing the Alamo, all at the age of three.

We continued on, and pulled straight from 87 into the veterans nursing home.  PeePaw was in the back left corner of the Alzheimer unit.  Mom led me and Aislyn down the hall as I had sent Josh with Ben to enjoy ice cream.  He was lying in his bed, flat, not inclined like you would find most nursing home beds.  He was curled in the fetal position, leaving this world in the pose of which he was created.   Words were not something he spoke, and breathing was extremely labored.   Aislyn was starving as I sat behind PeePaw and breastfed in a chair facing his back.  Nurses came in and out offering me towels to catch excess milk, and I sat soaking in his soul.  Mom kept convincing him he could 'go home' now. To just rest and 'go home'.  What a nice way of thinking of it.  Mom placed Aislyn on her belly across his thigh, "can you see her peeps?"  He seemed so gone from this world, so separate from us, but he managed a wink.  I held back tears thinking 'If I'm ever on deaths door it probably will not help my attitude if everyone is crying, they aren't the ones that won't see tomorrow.'  I crawled onto the bed and leaned over his shoulders resting my face in his cheek, "I love you Peepaw...so much".  Unable to speak he muttered under his breath what sounded so much like I love you too.

Leaving was hard, mom and I were a mess as she placed her cell phone directly into a cup holder, which just happened to contain a glass of water.  I saw my Suzuki blaze past the desert sands and into the parking lot of, as Peepaw always called it, "The Ranch".  We reconvened at my childhood home and Aislyn and I wandered into the back bedroom.  Sometime passed as we played, and suddenly Aislyn grew fixated on a spot on the wall.  I looked too and suddenly felt a sense of warmth and was consumed with thoughts of Aunt Peg, Peepaw's sister.   She lingered for moments and then passed.  I looked back down and at the exact moment Aislyn also seemed to shift her concentration, she had come for him.  I knew then that that had been my last chance to tell him I loved him, and I was so glad I had.  I knew that by this time tomorrow this world would be without the most honest, kind, loving, entrepreneurial  musical, and christian man to walk this Earth.

We hosted the funeral at our house.  All the family gathered, and it was beautiful.  The funeral was not one of only tears, but mostly of laughter, and music.  Country singers, cousins, and my brother stood and played guitar by his grave and in our living room.  Children played, and his legacy lived.

State Fair!

September 2011

One dropped wirty dord.  But a fun video of breaking ties so to make room for a new beginnig starting this week.  :)  What a fantastic time to be alive!  Have to make your lemons into lemonade!  Theme of the month.

Beaumont: Grounding? Who wants to be grounded?

In sitting with a psychic, more for the fun than for any sort of guidance, she handed me a specimen of Chrysoprase and told me that it would aid me in grounding.  Grounding?!  I thought.  Who wants to be grounded?  What is the fun in that?  Haven't I been grounded all my life, isn't that why I have been crawling and clawing out of my skin in youth, in schooling, in marriage, in my career, is my need to escape going to be help through grounding?!  I've carried the rock despite, more for it's gorgeous blueish green smoky hues.  It's smooth to touch, and every time I look at it I'm inspired.

Today as I was driving counter clockwise circles amongst the meth labs of Beaumont, unable to find my way I began to think, 26....26....26....26....and I'm no where near ready to be settled.  Will I ever be? All my friends have kids, are married, have a stable happy life that in my heart of hearts I do crave. Then I grabbed the stone, and thought of grounding.  I haven't been fighting the constraints because I want to fight my grounding, I've been fighting because I have never been grounded in the first place.  If I ever want to be happy or content I do need to find a grounding.  That's what I'm dedicating this year to.

First off is stability.  While traveling the globe I will be taking in many new places, and I plan to take full advantage.  I remember one of my first trips with my DM, Auburn she turned to me and said she's never seen more than the mall in any town she's ever visited.  So I make a vow to do one thing outside the mall everywhere I go, thus the video camera, the blog, and the new promotion I fought so hard for.  Moreover, back to the point, despite my travels I hope to find some forms of stabilization.  Interesting how Joshua posted just the same earlier today as well.  Obviously we are mirrored in transitions, lucky for us we have each other.

We'll just see where to take it from there.

Pearland: A Blank White Page

It's been a crazy time of bouncing back and forth from ecstatic with anticipation to overcome with nostalgic longing to stay.  So much I wanted to do while living in Houston that I never got around to doing.  I drive through the museum district and think, I only made it to the Natural Science Museum three time and still have never seen the butterflies.  I pull into Galveston and think of how I spent entirely too little time at the beach!  I never even met up with my friends who were going to teach me to surf.  I never went to a musical, I never went to the Zoo, or floated in the paddle boats at Hermann Park.  I didn't spend nearly enough time with my cousins Keri or Liz.  I didn't make the drive to Matagorda to see Granny but three times in an entire year.   Bryan will try to knock out as much on this list as possible if I ever receive another day off in Houston, TX before the move!

On the same note I'm so ready to be out of this house, to be away from the chaos, and to be on my own.  I need away from the drama, and instead surrounded by uplifting and encouraging friends when I'm home.  I can't wait to hit the tarmac traveling to a new destination every week.  Grandmother and I went to one of our favorite tea shops and over egg salad and steaming Earl Grey english style she expressed to me her wishes.  In most cases I would reluctantly listen, and then seethe in silence as yet another person in my life has an opinion on how I should be living it, but I was different this time.  Perhaps it's my new longing for direction; I have never felt so alone and lost before.  Perhaps it's maturity has taken me to a level of patience to receive criticism.  Maybe I'm now humble enough to accept it, considering I finally have nothing left to prove to anyone.  Regardless of the reasoning I felt relief as she put into words exactly what I didn't know I felt.  "I want you to move to Dallas and be single for once.  I want you to discover yourself and discover love for yourself.  I want you to be away from any sort of family and be single and free.  Travel, take in every moment, live it up!  Give it two years before you settle down again, it will be good for you."  It was nice to not only hear that she was not upset for my move but in fact had dreams and hopes for me I had tucked away.  How does that woman know me so well?  Scary.

So the exciting perspective is that my world is now fresh and ready for me color and draw as abstractive, impressionistic, or precise as I choose.  I have never felt so free and open to opportunity.  Join the peace corps? Sure!  Fly the skies as a flight attendant.  Write a book.  Pull onto the freeway and just drive until I feel like stopping.  I'm so excited.  And to have friends, and know I want be as alone as I felt here is even more of a relief!  For the first time the fact that I love or hate my life is completely on me.  Let's make this a life worth remembering!

For now I am enjoying my two weeks of solitude.

Stephen's Final Day

This is only a director's cut of all the fun we had, of course based on our favorite series Sassy Stories. Enjoy!